Disclaimer: I'm not a medical professional. This blog post details my personal experience with seasonal depression, commonly referred to as seasonal affective disorder. If you think you're experiencing symptoms of seasonal depression, please consult with your primary care physician or a therapist.

The first year I experienced seasonal depression was in 2013. My boyfriend at the time, and now husband, and I had just moved into our first apartment together, and we were barely making ends meet. I kept being turned down for a full-time job because I lacked experience. I was worried because my paid internship was about to end, and my part-time job as an after-school teacher was on break for the holidays. 

We were so excited to move out of our tiny studio and into an apartment, but I was most excited to decorate our new home for Christmas.

Some of my favorite memories come from spending time with my family during the holidays. One of my mom's favorite holidays is Thanksgiving, and she works hard every year to make a delicious Thanksgiving spread for our family. I'm pretty sure my dad loves every holiday, but he especially loves Christmas. They both worked hard to make Christmas magical for us kids growing up.

When it came time to decorate for our first Christmas in our new apartment, I remember feeling sad because we couldn't afford a Christmas tree. Instead of sulking, I got creative and fashioned a tree out of the red Christmas lights that once lined our studio walls as mood lighting. It was the first time in my life that I felt poor both financially and in spirit. Not being able to afford to do the things that make the holidays feel special made me feel like a failure and caused me to slip into a state of deep, unshakable sadness.

Eventually, I noticed the sadness would show up around the same time each year, and it felt almost impossible to manage. Most days, I felt tired, and I had trouble concentrating. I lost interest in many of my favorite activities, like makeup and blogging. As someone with a family history of anxiety and depression, it never occurred to me that it could come and go as it pleased because I grew up thinking it was constant.

Nearly four years had gone by before I casually mentioned it to my therapist about how I was feeling. She taught me about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a form of depression marked by a recurring seasonal pattern, and offered me some wellness tools to help me manage it. With the pandemic forcing us to be mindful of gatherings, I can only imagine how tough it'll be for people to be away from their families for another year.

Over the years, I've built up a collection of tools for my wellness toolbox. Here are the tips and tools I find helpful for managing seasonal depression.

Tips for Managing Seasonal Depression

1. See, feel, acknowledge, and focus. One of the first wellness tools I learned in therapy is to see it, acknowledge it, feel it, and focus on what you can control. Here's how I use this tool with my seasonal depression:

• See it - I recognize my symptoms (I feel more tired than usual, and I have trouble waking up in the morning and concentrating on tasks)

• Acknowledge it - I accept the symptoms for what they are (seasonal depression)

• Feel it - I feel whatever feelings come with it (even if it's ugly crying or raging anger)

• Focus on what I can control - I can go to sleep earlier. I can set the alarm and leave the bed when it goes off. I can time-block my tasks.

2. Hold space for yourself. Growing up, I thought it was wrong to feel anything but happy because my family's reaction to my anxiety and big emotions made me feel bad. I was often called dramatic or a crybaby whenever I tried to confide in my family. Therapy taught me how to hold space for myself, making it easier to self-soothe and process my feelings independently.

3. Free write/journal. Writing is my superpower. It's one of my favorite ways to help me examine my feelings and whatever else is going on in my life. I was journaling about my seasonal depression before I knew what it was called. I had years of the same feelings written down at the same time each year. Writing in my journal is what helped me notice the pattern in the first place.

All you need to free write or journal is a pen and paper. To free write, set a timer for 5-10 minutes and write with no restrictions and as if no one will read what you're writing until the alarm goes off. What you write doesn't have to make sense. To journal, write as if you're writing a letter to a friend, sans timer. The action of freely putting pen to paper can be therapeutic (it is for me).

4. Create a cozy space. Now that Angel and I are in a place where we can afford nice things like a real Christmas tree, we try to create a space that makes us feel warm and fuzzy during the holidays. It doesn't have to be fancy. Small things like scent, throw pillows, and blankets can turn a house into a home.

5. Uphold holiday traditions. My first Christmas away from home was an emotional one. (Waking up at 5 a.m. to open presents is not as fun when it's just two people.) Traditions help us connect with others, and that year, I clung hard to our family's traditions that make the holidays feel like the holidays, but it just wasn't the same.

I recently listened to an episode of The Spark on the Calm app about redefining traditions, and guest Kati Morton said, "Not having traditions or rituals, or being able to see people that are important to us is another level of grief. If grief goes unexamined and we don't recognize it for what it is, allow ourselves to feel it, and then work to take back the control we have, then that grief can turn into anxiety or depression in three to four months."

Now that I'm in a better place and know how to grieve to take back control of what I can control, I can focus on upholding our families' traditions and creating our own. Some of our holiday traditions include putting up our Christmas tree after Thanksgiving, collecting Disney ornaments, going to Christmas Eve mass, writing our family newsletter, baking cookies for Santa, and watching our favorite Christmas movies.

6. Prioritize self-care. Self-care is so important to me. It's almost impossible to give from an empty cup. Even people who feel like giving to others fills their cups need to take time to replenish themselves.

One of the ways I make time for myself is by scheduling self-care days like I would a meeting or appointment. There is no one-size-fits-all for self-care. What you do to re-energize yourself is different from what I do. I enjoy spending quality time alone reading a book, shopping, watching a movie (usually one that makes me cry), pampering myself, exercising, blogging, or napping.

7. Have courage. Courage is one of the most important wellness tools to have, in my opinion. It takes a lot of self-awareness and courage to admit when you're not feeling okay.

When I first noticed I felt odd around the holidays, I shoved it away because I refused to believe the anxiety and depression that runs in my family had gotten to me. But it was hard to ignore once I noticed the seasonal pattern.

I recently heard the saying, "thoughts are not facts," and I love that so much. Kati Morton encourages us to write down those re-occurring thoughts and fact-check them.

"If we keep allowing ourselves to have that thought, we start believing it as fact, so checking if the thought has any validity to it is really important," she said.