From a young age, I knew I wanted to be married. The plan was to find a boyfriend, date for one — maybe two — years, get engaged, get married, have children, and live the perfect life all before 25. This is such an important topic to talk about because we grow up believing that timelines on things like career, marriage, and babies determine our self-worth and happiness.

Angel and I are college sweethearts. We met in the spring semester of 2010 and started dating in the fall. I remember being so smitten with him. Our relationship escalated quickly. By the time he graduated that following spring, we were in an emotional and physical relationship that none of us were prepared for.

From the beginning of our relationship, I was open and honest about my plans out of fear of falling in love with someone that did not have the same plans as me. When he didn’t run away from those conversations, I figured that’s what he wanted, too. So when he didn’t propose after our first anniversary together, I was sad and wondered what’s wrong with me.

After two years of dating and no engagement, I finally asked when he would propose to me. It was an awkward conversation because I wasn’t asking to be proposed to at that moment; Instead, I wanted to know if it was something he wanted down the road. The saying: “Ask, and you shall receive,” never rang more true than in that moment. I asked, and he said, “I don’t want to get married.”I remember us fighting in my car, in the dark, in front of my dorm. The air was chilly from the rain, but the feeling of anger bubbled up in my body as my eyes welled up with tears. “What the fuck? What a waste of time,” I thought. As he pleaded his case, I didn’t try hard to listen or understand him. Instead, I projected guilt and shame on him for not having his life together according to my timeline. But still, my heart swelled for him.

That fight was the stepping stone to us putting our preconceived notions about relationships aside and coming together to make our love our own. The next six years were blissfully rough; We moved in together, got jobs (and lost them, too). We experienced loss, celebrated life (new and old), discovered our gender roles and responsibilities, and we continued to love and support each other through it all. I can’t say that I didn’t expect to be proposed throughout those six years. (Because I did expect it, and I was let down every.single.time. Damn you expectations!)

I remember year seven being a difficult and emotionally draining year for us. Angel went home to California for the summer, and I stayed back. It was my first time being home alone without him for that long. I remember telling myself, “I could totally do this.” This being on my own without him. But the reality was I didn’t want to. That’s when my mindset about our relationship shifted, and I admitted that marriage was not going to define me as long as I was with Angel. Did I wonder if I was settling? HELL YEAH! Did I care? No. At that moment, I realized our love was deeply rooted in our commitment to each other and faith. 

I never planned on dating Angel for a decade before getting married. But, I truly believe we would not be together if we got married, according to my timeline. The delay allowed me to appreciate our relationship for what it is rather than what it’s not.

We grow up creating five-year plans with the notion that we are not worthy if we aren’t aligned with our life’s plan. That’s not true. I think it’s important for young people to break free from the unrealistic timelines society has created for us because it harms us more than it helps us. When we truly break free, we truly live.