Happy New Year, friends! Each year, I choose one word to focus on instead of setting traditional new year's resolutions. The word I choose becomes the foundation of my year and acts as a guide for my goals. Catch up on my past words of the year, which include faith (2018), joy (2019), grateful (2020), and balance (2021). Keep reading to learn more about my 2022 word of the year: identity.

Identity: My 2022 Word of the Year

HOW I CHOSE THE WORD “IDENTITY”

I chose the word identity as my 2022 word of the year because an important part of me died when my Nana passed away last year. Shortly after she passed, I began to feel disconnected from who I was, especially as a Hawaiian. My Nana was so proud to be Hawaiian; she loved to watch me dance hula and listen to Hawaiian music. She was so excited when I was accepted into Kamehameha Schools, a school for Native Hawaiians that educates and empowers oiwi leaders with a Hawaiian culture-based education founded by Princess Bernice Pauahi Bishop the great-granddaughter of Kamehameha the Great.

A month after she passed, I signed up to attend a Hawaiian cultural learning exchange at work in hopes of feeling closer to her. The program connected employees with Hawaiian cultural practitioners to learn about laau lapaau, or native Hawaiian traditional healing. It had been years since I dug deep into my culture and part of me felt like a fraud. But my fear disappeared when I entered the program with an open mind and heart. I knew my Nana and kupuna (ancestors) were with me that day because I knew things about laau lapaau I had never learned in my life. I also happily chanted protocols by myself, even though I typically don't feel comfortable chanting. (Read more about this experience in my Life Lately July 2021 blog post.)

In addition to feeling lost after losing my Nana, I considered the struggles I experienced in my late 20s when brainstorming my 2022 word of the year.

Between the ages of 26-29, I had somewhat of a quarter-life crisis, and I spent most of my time trying to brand myself into someone I'm not (not me, the public relations professional, trying to rehab my image, lol). My anxiety was at its worst during those three years, and I questioned many things I learned growing up, including my religion, self-worth, and values. I felt like a child in an adult's body (in fact, I often joke I'm a three-year-old girl in a 30-year-old woman's body). 

I was your typical entitled millennial with the worst perfectionist tendencies. I had this unhealthy vision of my perfect life, and I refused to accept anything less than that. I was on edge most of the time because I reacted to my "issues" in all the wrong ways. I had a chip on my shoulder with almost everyone, and I had the worst mood swings, cried weekly, and exhausted my relationships with friends and family with meaningless venting. When I finally emotionally hit rock bottom, I felt so alone.

I knew I needed to talk to a mental health professional, but the thought of looking for someone made me feel tired. I'd seen a therapist before, but she was my sister's therapist, and I was only seeing her because I thought it would help her understand my sister more after her attempted suicide. I went to two or three sessions and eventually stopped seeing her after she tried hypnotizing me. (I later learned hypnotherapy was her preferred healing method.) Honestly, I'm offended if you're not laughing at that last sentence. 

By the time I finally found a therapist I liked, it had been well over a year since I saw the hypnotherapy lady, and I was desperate for help and open to trying anything. My new therapist, whom I found through Psychology Today, was kind and understanding. I often had a lot to say, and instead of telling me how to fix a problem, she often asked what she could do to support me. We talked a lot about healing generational trauma and the importance of creating boundaries. She taught me how to accept who I am (even the "ugly" parts), communicate my feelings effectively, shift my mindset, and increase self-awareness.

My quarter-life crisis, Nana's death, new self-awareness, plus turning 30 made me ponder who I am and who I want to be in my next decade of life, which is why I chose the word "identity" to guide me through 2022. 

WHO AM I?

Some of you know I'm a huge Marvel fan, and one of my favorite quotes from the movie Shang-Chi is from the scene where Ying Nan (played by Michelle Yeoh) trains Shang-Chi (played by Simu Liu) in tai chi. She says, "You are the product of all who came before you, the legacy of your family. You are your mother. And whether you like it or not, you are also your father."

I didn't choose my word of the year to become someone I'm not. No. I spent most of my life trying to be perfect because I thought that would make people love me more. I chose "identity" to accept who I am and embrace her confidently.

So, who am I? I'm a strong and vulnerable mixed (Hawaiian, Filipino, Japanese, Portuguese, and Russian) woman of color. I'm a proud wife who's married to a Mexican-American. I'm a seasoned lifestyle blogger and digital creator who creates content about beauty, wellness, travel, married life, and whatever else I feel. I'm also a shameless Disney adult turned influencer. Professionally, I'm an in-house public relations and social media manager and strategist. When I'm not working, you can find me blogging, traveling (especially to Disneyland), binge-watching my favorite shows, or with a romance novel in hand.

Out of all the things that make me up, I'm most proud of my ability to wear my heart on my sleeve. Vulnerability is my superpower, and I believe it's my God-given gift that's allowed me to connect with you in ways I couldn't fathom. I spent most of my life trying to hide that emotional side of me in fear of seeming weak, but the moment I accepted her was when my life changed. In a world that's hungry for authentic human interaction, I promise to always show up as my authentic self, no matter what season of life I'm in.

Just for fun, here are some other words I wrote down to consider as my 2022 word of the year:

• Abundance

• Align

• Core

• Flourish

• Intentional